Shitty Friends?

The honest truth is that i hate almost all of my friends. i know that makes me sound ungrateful but there is soooo much i just cant stand about my 'friends'. so i just say i have no friends, which is nearly true. i have no real friends, no friends i can share my innermost thoughts and self with, none of them would understand, im not trying to sound emo or anything, but its the God Aweful truth.

my ex-best friend of 10 tens i cant even stand anymore. shes truly a whore. she never stays with the same guy, she cheats on her boyfriends non stop, and has gotten pregnant various times in the past two years...each time she has a 'miscarraige' or 'abortion' but who really knows. not long ago she got into drugs which only increases my loathing of her. she smokes pot all the time, and last time i visited her, made me go out past her town's curfew to buy pot with cops swarming the place. i dont think she realizes how valuable my life is and how her stupid mistake could have fucked up my life....she smokes and drinks constantly, has sex constantly, to tell the truth i have no respect for her anymore.

my other ex-best friend only cares about herself and her boyfriend. ever since they got together thats all she cares about anymore. hes a shitbag and treats her like crap and everyone laughs and ridicules her for being such a dumbass and staying with him, when its obvious he just wants her gone...but she lies and wont break up with him when she says she will, shes done a bunch of stupid shit for him and he doesnt care, but its her fault for being so stupid and putting up with it, i too have lost my respect for her...she left college for him and he runs her life like shes a mutt. and she listens to him happily just like a mutt. its not my life and i dont try to run it, but i know where she's headed and all she cares about is him because he was her first which is the most stupidest thing ever.... just because you have sex with someone doesnt mean you have an everlasting bond with them forever...she needs to grow the hell up, shes almost an adult now...

Another friend is a lazy sack... ever since she got a job thats all she cares about, is making money. she's failed in school for the past year and a half and is still doing a good job at failing some more...what a let down...she had so much potential and now is blowing off everyone to work for more money which she doesnt tell anyone what she spends on and as far as we all know is nothing. just money to have money, i'd rather have the smarts than the money, her minimum wage isnt that good compared to what she could be making with her degree in her desired proffession...but to each their own...

the lamest part of everything is, my sister and my mom are nearly my only friends...i used to have alot of friends, but after a bad breakup i guess my ex was the better person...so i only had a few as it is. the other best friend i have questioned my friendship and ended our friendship because apparently i thought i could fix everyone's problems...which i never claimed to in the first place....if it is in my power to improve someone's life then i sure as hell am going to do it. but i guess thats not good enough for some people. when she ran away and no one could find her it was I who stayed out until three in the morning looking for her, however i guess that makes me a bad friend.

I lost my best friend since 7th grade due to a breakup. he was my boyfriend and best friend, the one i shared all my secrets with. he knew everything about me, and i him, i was in love with him and wanted to be with him forever, but a summer apart and a new spark in my life made me question if i was still attracked to him, and in my own selfishness i lost him forever, now he wont speak to me or give me the time of day, i guess thats my own fault. you know? you treat others how you want to be treated, i guess i'm a shitty friend and in turn that has made me have shitty friends.

i thank my mom and sister for being my only support in this god forsaken lonely ass world. my sister is my best friend, i can tell her about pretty much anything. she is so beautiful and i wish i was more like her sometimes. shes funny and can make me laugh all the time. we share some of the same feelings and the same family so we know basically the same things. we complain about our brother or our parents, but thats fine. she's the closest thing to a friend i have anymore, and im really greatful. its not a normal friendship but one i like. i dont have to deal with drama, or emails or phone calls, no sleepovers that get awkward when one has to leave, i never have to worry about her ditching me because i care too much, or for who i'm dating or what i do. somehow im greatful we're stuck together for life, if i ever really screw up i know i have my little sis to fall back on. if i lost my house and my job i know she'd let me live with her until i was back on my feet. if i never needed someone to watch my kids i dont think i could trust anyone more than my sister, she is so cool i'm so jealous of her all the time.

other than Kaylee i am a proud owner of the world's lamest unfriends. however much my friends and i have drifted apart and however much i hate or dislike them i know that they are still good people to others and thats a good thing, they're not bad people, it may just be that i'm not one of them and that i dont deserve to be friends with them. i will never know.

- kristin.