Well this past week went by pretty fast, by weeks i go by the days im in school which is only four days a week.
On tuesday we had our first Anthro Club meeting, we talked about our shirts and some of the future plans, if all sounded fun to me :) im kinda confused about what is going on already but i think eventually i will adjust to it. the Anthro Club to me seems composed of a bunch of random and totally different people, but somehow i think i might find some good friends in that group, we all may be a bunch of weirdos but i think we all fit :)
so i got my hair cut last week and its god horrible...not so much, everyone keeps telling me it looks okay, but i hate it because the guy cut it too short :( its kinda lame because its been almost two weeks and im still not used to it and i still dont feel pretty with it yet :(:(:(:( but i guess not so long now and it might grow back? hopefully so i look pretty at prom :) im starting to get excited for prom! i know its not until late april/early may, but the gal who took my senior pictures told me the theme might be masquerade!!! isnt that awesome???
anywyas, i flopped a test so i have to make a kick ass poster or something about protein synthesis to make it up :S g2g i might come rant about something else laters.
love you,
kristin
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
My Dream, 012210
So sometimes i wake up and just have cool-ass dreams, when this happens i like to write them down before they escape my memory.
last night i dreamt i lived at a college of some sort for 'special' people. people with powers. while we didnt use the powers there were deffinately some people who still used them. i had a roomate who was quiet, and somewhat my best friend, we both had the chance to go with this great wizard who gave only the eleite tours up to the top of this giant hedge like statue which had wood on it
he gave each of us an arm to hold onto and sett off jumping into the air, over a riverside restauraunt, and up the the enormous hedge. atop the hedge was beautiful, there was wood platforms for people to stand in and in the middle of the wood platform was a room made completely from the hedges.
the great, and very attractive, wizard told us a story about a powerful wizard who had been brought up here and was trapped in the hedge for all enternity. the cocky powerful wizard lived for years by eating the nuts and berries that grew out of the bushes, and drinking the dew that was left on the leaves of the hedge when it rained.
i remember myself being facisenated with the story, but moments later it was time to go. i walked to the wizard, who resembled Howl from Howl's moving castle, and wrapped my arms around his side to go back down to the ground.
it was kind of weird because he asked me if he would like me to hold me by my underwear because they were so big which completely was weird in the context of the dream . . . but anyways, once on ground my life turned back into caos, it was like christmas time i think, and i had family over. i only recognized a few people though. my dad , sister and my cousins kristy and rachel. then my second cousin tori (whom i havent spoken to her oor her family in years) and her baby son (which she actually doesn't have but was in the dream as hers)
there was some family fewd thing going on about family members taking other family members' presents. my cousin rachel had her ariel the mermaid barbie stolen. i started to walk down the street to go retreive it from someone who lives on my street and ran into her. she tried to speak to me but she only speaks and understands english, i understood some of her words but then i guess she realized that i dont speak spanish. my sister, 2nd cousin, its baby and i all piled in a car to drive down the road to go get it from teh neighbor girl.
we took a ride to the neighbors house but we didnt actually go to the neighbors' house, because we were driving in the downtown part of the city i live in.
idk it was all kinda weird. i woke up shortly after tha tbecause my cell phone was beeping from text messages. anyways, until i find another subject to rant on.
- kristin fort.
last night i dreamt i lived at a college of some sort for 'special' people. people with powers. while we didnt use the powers there were deffinately some people who still used them. i had a roomate who was quiet, and somewhat my best friend, we both had the chance to go with this great wizard who gave only the eleite tours up to the top of this giant hedge like statue which had wood on it
he gave each of us an arm to hold onto and sett off jumping into the air, over a riverside restauraunt, and up the the enormous hedge. atop the hedge was beautiful, there was wood platforms for people to stand in and in the middle of the wood platform was a room made completely from the hedges.
the great, and very attractive, wizard told us a story about a powerful wizard who had been brought up here and was trapped in the hedge for all enternity. the cocky powerful wizard lived for years by eating the nuts and berries that grew out of the bushes, and drinking the dew that was left on the leaves of the hedge when it rained.
i remember myself being facisenated with the story, but moments later it was time to go. i walked to the wizard, who resembled Howl from Howl's moving castle, and wrapped my arms around his side to go back down to the ground.
it was kind of weird because he asked me if he would like me to hold me by my underwear because they were so big which completely was weird in the context of the dream . . . but anyways, once on ground my life turned back into caos, it was like christmas time i think, and i had family over. i only recognized a few people though. my dad , sister and my cousins kristy and rachel. then my second cousin tori (whom i havent spoken to her oor her family in years) and her baby son (which she actually doesn't have but was in the dream as hers)
there was some family fewd thing going on about family members taking other family members' presents. my cousin rachel had her ariel the mermaid barbie stolen. i started to walk down the street to go retreive it from someone who lives on my street and ran into her. she tried to speak to me but she only speaks and understands english, i understood some of her words but then i guess she realized that i dont speak spanish. my sister, 2nd cousin, its baby and i all piled in a car to drive down the road to go get it from teh neighbor girl.
we took a ride to the neighbors house but we didnt actually go to the neighbors' house, because we were driving in the downtown part of the city i live in.
idk it was all kinda weird. i woke up shortly after tha tbecause my cell phone was beeping from text messages. anyways, until i find another subject to rant on.
- kristin fort.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
feeling helpless and unhelpful
feeling helpless and unhelpful?
im feeling awfully unhelpful right now. my ex boyfriend LM, who i've tried to remain friends with, is having trouble with his social life, this is all i can gather. he's playing third wheel to a girl that is litterally perfect for him, and one of his friends. i secretly think he likes her however i dont think he'd admit it to anyone or to himself. he says they had an arguement and now their friends are somewhat taking sides in a sense....doesnt that sound familiar? want to know why? because thats what happened with him and i. only he's on the side i was on. the loosing side you can say.
i feel for him truly, i know what it feels like to have the ground pulled up from under you. going from having everything, to having nothing, hardly enough to sustain you. when he and i broke up it was as if i felt that i was the lame one, the one that wasnt good enough for everyone. that he was the cool one and i was just an accessory. i lost everything in those weeks and i feel truly bad for him because i can see he's going through the same thing. i dont want him to follow on this path of lonliness, anger, and sadness, and sometimes fear.
These are the times when i wish i was worth a shit to give him advice. LM is feeling lonely. and i feel truly bad, i want to help him get through this, and i want to be a good friend, give good advice and show him that he is a good person, but its becoming impossible trying to back-burner my feelings for him. its impossible not to just be there as a friend for him and i fear that i could do so much more and help him and make him feel better about the situation but i'm holding myself back. or maybe its that i am scared to get too close to help him. i'm afraid that he will find out i cant offer him advice and i cant heal his pain. i hate to see him suffer. but there's so much i can and can't do....
On that note i guess i should talk about how i'm feeling helpless. it dawned on me today that im almost an adult. can you believe that? i'm not ready. you would think i would be, but i'm not, i'm scared shitless. i put on a brave front for my family, you should hear my mom talk, sometimes i think she thinks i can do anything, but there is so much i can't do.
Idk how many of you know this, but my greatest fear is that i will never have children. isn't that a row? everyone asks, what do you want some yapping, crying, pooping kids for anyway? the truth is, your children will love you, and you can love them unconditionally. they care, they are affected by you and the things that you do. maybe since i get too attatched to those i love a child would be perfect. if i had a child, i would do anything and everything in my power to make that child happy every day of its life.
i'm afriad i'm not going to find that person out there for me. i'm afriad my expectations are too high, or i'm not good enough, pretty enough, i'm not the right shape or size, my hair isnt the right color, i dont wear the right clothes, i'm not educated or smart enough, i'm not funny or clever enough. I already even told my mom i'm not going to prom because i know i can't find a date. how sad is that?
this all goes back to what i said about CBC...it's destroying my life in a way, ruinign the way i think and see things, ruining my old friendships. i always dreamed of looking stunning in a pink dress on prom night and having an awesome night. a date, a limo, a dinner out, maybe even an after party. but i know i'm not going to get that. i guess i've kinda accepted it. who wants to go to prom with a 210 pound racial confused 18-year old who loves her cat more than any of her friends. whose life ambition is to be a mother. who actually wants to be one of those hold housewives that cook and clean and take care of the kids.....there's no one i know to go with anyways...no one who doesnt already love someone or have a date....
i dont think i'm going to find anyone who loves me back...i lost the only man who made me feel completely happy with myself. who made me feel beautiful in everyway and was there to stay with me for the rest of my life...i threw it away. you know, things might not have worked out, but if they did i lost it....idk just feeling a little down right now. maybe its all this LM stuff you know? i can't help him, why do i think i can help myself?
things might turn out. they might not...i guess i have to wait and see. i try to stay positive day by day. i'm trying to turn my life around. but idk, it seems like it's me against myself...and damn am i one hard opponent.
until tomorrow my loves.
- kristin fort
im feeling awfully unhelpful right now. my ex boyfriend LM, who i've tried to remain friends with, is having trouble with his social life, this is all i can gather. he's playing third wheel to a girl that is litterally perfect for him, and one of his friends. i secretly think he likes her however i dont think he'd admit it to anyone or to himself. he says they had an arguement and now their friends are somewhat taking sides in a sense....doesnt that sound familiar? want to know why? because thats what happened with him and i. only he's on the side i was on. the loosing side you can say.
i feel for him truly, i know what it feels like to have the ground pulled up from under you. going from having everything, to having nothing, hardly enough to sustain you. when he and i broke up it was as if i felt that i was the lame one, the one that wasnt good enough for everyone. that he was the cool one and i was just an accessory. i lost everything in those weeks and i feel truly bad for him because i can see he's going through the same thing. i dont want him to follow on this path of lonliness, anger, and sadness, and sometimes fear.
These are the times when i wish i was worth a shit to give him advice. LM is feeling lonely. and i feel truly bad, i want to help him get through this, and i want to be a good friend, give good advice and show him that he is a good person, but its becoming impossible trying to back-burner my feelings for him. its impossible not to just be there as a friend for him and i fear that i could do so much more and help him and make him feel better about the situation but i'm holding myself back. or maybe its that i am scared to get too close to help him. i'm afraid that he will find out i cant offer him advice and i cant heal his pain. i hate to see him suffer. but there's so much i can and can't do....
On that note i guess i should talk about how i'm feeling helpless. it dawned on me today that im almost an adult. can you believe that? i'm not ready. you would think i would be, but i'm not, i'm scared shitless. i put on a brave front for my family, you should hear my mom talk, sometimes i think she thinks i can do anything, but there is so much i can't do.
Idk how many of you know this, but my greatest fear is that i will never have children. isn't that a row? everyone asks, what do you want some yapping, crying, pooping kids for anyway? the truth is, your children will love you, and you can love them unconditionally. they care, they are affected by you and the things that you do. maybe since i get too attatched to those i love a child would be perfect. if i had a child, i would do anything and everything in my power to make that child happy every day of its life.
i'm afriad i'm not going to find that person out there for me. i'm afriad my expectations are too high, or i'm not good enough, pretty enough, i'm not the right shape or size, my hair isnt the right color, i dont wear the right clothes, i'm not educated or smart enough, i'm not funny or clever enough. I already even told my mom i'm not going to prom because i know i can't find a date. how sad is that?
this all goes back to what i said about CBC...it's destroying my life in a way, ruinign the way i think and see things, ruining my old friendships. i always dreamed of looking stunning in a pink dress on prom night and having an awesome night. a date, a limo, a dinner out, maybe even an after party. but i know i'm not going to get that. i guess i've kinda accepted it. who wants to go to prom with a 210 pound racial confused 18-year old who loves her cat more than any of her friends. whose life ambition is to be a mother. who actually wants to be one of those hold housewives that cook and clean and take care of the kids.....there's no one i know to go with anyways...no one who doesnt already love someone or have a date....
i dont think i'm going to find anyone who loves me back...i lost the only man who made me feel completely happy with myself. who made me feel beautiful in everyway and was there to stay with me for the rest of my life...i threw it away. you know, things might not have worked out, but if they did i lost it....idk just feeling a little down right now. maybe its all this LM stuff you know? i can't help him, why do i think i can help myself?
things might turn out. they might not...i guess i have to wait and see. i try to stay positive day by day. i'm trying to turn my life around. but idk, it seems like it's me against myself...and damn am i one hard opponent.
until tomorrow my loves.
- kristin fort
Going To School With Mom?
I've never really been one to judge what someone can and can't do. yesterday i helped my mom enroll in college. it's just community college, nothing big, but she's all excited about it. in a way i am just as excited for her, she can finally escape the clutches of my evil uncle and do what she wants to. but in a way i am angry and mad.
i know this sounds selfish but if she goes we wont have hardly any money, and then MY college could possibly suffer from it. i am afriad that if she gets homework she doesnt understand she will start asking ME for help. and i dont know everything and i have college and homework and things i have to do on my own and if i'm always helping my mom then how can i look out for myself?
my mom has been saying she was going to get a different job. you see, she works for my uncle david who pays her and my dad like shit and pays himself alot, which is retarded because he cant hardly afford his own house and he would rather live on the river by doctors and lawyers than live in a respectable house and give his daughters things they need, like decent haircuts, and shoes, and clothes that fit, but to put things short he's a dumbass and overworks my mom and doesnt realize how stressed he makes my mom and how much he's single-handedly pulling my family apart. my parents have talked of divorce because my dad wont put up with davids shittyness. now the company my mom works for is only open until 5:30, and with three to four hours of class that just doesnt cut it for our financial situation, especially with me and my mom going to college, but she wont quit her current job like she is supposed to and get a better job, say at JC Penny or something where she can work nights/ in the afternoon.
i dont think my mom understands how hard its going to be for the entire family from her going to college.
but dont get me wrong, im really happy for my mom, she's been happier than she has in a long time, i just want her to succeed in life but part of me thinks its just not the right time. but who knows, i must have gotten my determination from someone in my family.
until later...
-kristin fort
i know this sounds selfish but if she goes we wont have hardly any money, and then MY college could possibly suffer from it. i am afriad that if she gets homework she doesnt understand she will start asking ME for help. and i dont know everything and i have college and homework and things i have to do on my own and if i'm always helping my mom then how can i look out for myself?
my mom has been saying she was going to get a different job. you see, she works for my uncle david who pays her and my dad like shit and pays himself alot, which is retarded because he cant hardly afford his own house and he would rather live on the river by doctors and lawyers than live in a respectable house and give his daughters things they need, like decent haircuts, and shoes, and clothes that fit, but to put things short he's a dumbass and overworks my mom and doesnt realize how stressed he makes my mom and how much he's single-handedly pulling my family apart. my parents have talked of divorce because my dad wont put up with davids shittyness. now the company my mom works for is only open until 5:30, and with three to four hours of class that just doesnt cut it for our financial situation, especially with me and my mom going to college, but she wont quit her current job like she is supposed to and get a better job, say at JC Penny or something where she can work nights/ in the afternoon.
i dont think my mom understands how hard its going to be for the entire family from her going to college.
but dont get me wrong, im really happy for my mom, she's been happier than she has in a long time, i just want her to succeed in life but part of me thinks its just not the right time. but who knows, i must have gotten my determination from someone in my family.
until later...
-kristin fort
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Shitty Friends?
The honest truth is that i hate almost all of my friends. i know that makes me sound ungrateful but there is soooo much i just cant stand about my 'friends'. so i just say i have no friends, which is nearly true. i have no real friends, no friends i can share my innermost thoughts and self with, none of them would understand, im not trying to sound emo or anything, but its the God Aweful truth.
my ex-best friend of 10 tens i cant even stand anymore. shes truly a whore. she never stays with the same guy, she cheats on her boyfriends non stop, and has gotten pregnant various times in the past two years...each time she has a 'miscarraige' or 'abortion' but who really knows. not long ago she got into drugs which only increases my loathing of her. she smokes pot all the time, and last time i visited her, made me go out past her town's curfew to buy pot with cops swarming the place. i dont think she realizes how valuable my life is and how her stupid mistake could have fucked up my life....she smokes and drinks constantly, has sex constantly, to tell the truth i have no respect for her anymore.
my other ex-best friend only cares about herself and her boyfriend. ever since they got together thats all she cares about anymore. hes a shitbag and treats her like crap and everyone laughs and ridicules her for being such a dumbass and staying with him, when its obvious he just wants her gone...but she lies and wont break up with him when she says she will, shes done a bunch of stupid shit for him and he doesnt care, but its her fault for being so stupid and putting up with it, i too have lost my respect for her...she left college for him and he runs her life like shes a mutt. and she listens to him happily just like a mutt. its not my life and i dont try to run it, but i know where she's headed and all she cares about is him because he was her first which is the most stupidest thing ever.... just because you have sex with someone doesnt mean you have an everlasting bond with them forever...she needs to grow the hell up, shes almost an adult now...
Another friend is a lazy sack... ever since she got a job thats all she cares about, is making money. she's failed in school for the past year and a half and is still doing a good job at failing some more...what a let down...she had so much potential and now is blowing off everyone to work for more money which she doesnt tell anyone what she spends on and as far as we all know is nothing. just money to have money, i'd rather have the smarts than the money, her minimum wage isnt that good compared to what she could be making with her degree in her desired proffession...but to each their own...
the lamest part of everything is, my sister and my mom are nearly my only friends...i used to have alot of friends, but after a bad breakup i guess my ex was the better person...so i only had a few as it is. the other best friend i have questioned my friendship and ended our friendship because apparently i thought i could fix everyone's problems...which i never claimed to in the first place....if it is in my power to improve someone's life then i sure as hell am going to do it. but i guess thats not good enough for some people. when she ran away and no one could find her it was I who stayed out until three in the morning looking for her, however i guess that makes me a bad friend.
I lost my best friend since 7th grade due to a breakup. he was my boyfriend and best friend, the one i shared all my secrets with. he knew everything about me, and i him, i was in love with him and wanted to be with him forever, but a summer apart and a new spark in my life made me question if i was still attracked to him, and in my own selfishness i lost him forever, now he wont speak to me or give me the time of day, i guess thats my own fault. you know? you treat others how you want to be treated, i guess i'm a shitty friend and in turn that has made me have shitty friends.
i thank my mom and sister for being my only support in this god forsaken lonely ass world. my sister is my best friend, i can tell her about pretty much anything. she is so beautiful and i wish i was more like her sometimes. shes funny and can make me laugh all the time. we share some of the same feelings and the same family so we know basically the same things. we complain about our brother or our parents, but thats fine. she's the closest thing to a friend i have anymore, and im really greatful. its not a normal friendship but one i like. i dont have to deal with drama, or emails or phone calls, no sleepovers that get awkward when one has to leave, i never have to worry about her ditching me because i care too much, or for who i'm dating or what i do. somehow im greatful we're stuck together for life, if i ever really screw up i know i have my little sis to fall back on. if i lost my house and my job i know she'd let me live with her until i was back on my feet. if i never needed someone to watch my kids i dont think i could trust anyone more than my sister, she is so cool i'm so jealous of her all the time.
other than Kaylee i am a proud owner of the world's lamest unfriends. however much my friends and i have drifted apart and however much i hate or dislike them i know that they are still good people to others and thats a good thing, they're not bad people, it may just be that i'm not one of them and that i dont deserve to be friends with them. i will never know.
- kristin.
my ex-best friend of 10 tens i cant even stand anymore. shes truly a whore. she never stays with the same guy, she cheats on her boyfriends non stop, and has gotten pregnant various times in the past two years...each time she has a 'miscarraige' or 'abortion' but who really knows. not long ago she got into drugs which only increases my loathing of her. she smokes pot all the time, and last time i visited her, made me go out past her town's curfew to buy pot with cops swarming the place. i dont think she realizes how valuable my life is and how her stupid mistake could have fucked up my life....she smokes and drinks constantly, has sex constantly, to tell the truth i have no respect for her anymore.
my other ex-best friend only cares about herself and her boyfriend. ever since they got together thats all she cares about anymore. hes a shitbag and treats her like crap and everyone laughs and ridicules her for being such a dumbass and staying with him, when its obvious he just wants her gone...but she lies and wont break up with him when she says she will, shes done a bunch of stupid shit for him and he doesnt care, but its her fault for being so stupid and putting up with it, i too have lost my respect for her...she left college for him and he runs her life like shes a mutt. and she listens to him happily just like a mutt. its not my life and i dont try to run it, but i know where she's headed and all she cares about is him because he was her first which is the most stupidest thing ever.... just because you have sex with someone doesnt mean you have an everlasting bond with them forever...she needs to grow the hell up, shes almost an adult now...
Another friend is a lazy sack... ever since she got a job thats all she cares about, is making money. she's failed in school for the past year and a half and is still doing a good job at failing some more...what a let down...she had so much potential and now is blowing off everyone to work for more money which she doesnt tell anyone what she spends on and as far as we all know is nothing. just money to have money, i'd rather have the smarts than the money, her minimum wage isnt that good compared to what she could be making with her degree in her desired proffession...but to each their own...
the lamest part of everything is, my sister and my mom are nearly my only friends...i used to have alot of friends, but after a bad breakup i guess my ex was the better person...so i only had a few as it is. the other best friend i have questioned my friendship and ended our friendship because apparently i thought i could fix everyone's problems...which i never claimed to in the first place....if it is in my power to improve someone's life then i sure as hell am going to do it. but i guess thats not good enough for some people. when she ran away and no one could find her it was I who stayed out until three in the morning looking for her, however i guess that makes me a bad friend.
I lost my best friend since 7th grade due to a breakup. he was my boyfriend and best friend, the one i shared all my secrets with. he knew everything about me, and i him, i was in love with him and wanted to be with him forever, but a summer apart and a new spark in my life made me question if i was still attracked to him, and in my own selfishness i lost him forever, now he wont speak to me or give me the time of day, i guess thats my own fault. you know? you treat others how you want to be treated, i guess i'm a shitty friend and in turn that has made me have shitty friends.
i thank my mom and sister for being my only support in this god forsaken lonely ass world. my sister is my best friend, i can tell her about pretty much anything. she is so beautiful and i wish i was more like her sometimes. shes funny and can make me laugh all the time. we share some of the same feelings and the same family so we know basically the same things. we complain about our brother or our parents, but thats fine. she's the closest thing to a friend i have anymore, and im really greatful. its not a normal friendship but one i like. i dont have to deal with drama, or emails or phone calls, no sleepovers that get awkward when one has to leave, i never have to worry about her ditching me because i care too much, or for who i'm dating or what i do. somehow im greatful we're stuck together for life, if i ever really screw up i know i have my little sis to fall back on. if i lost my house and my job i know she'd let me live with her until i was back on my feet. if i never needed someone to watch my kids i dont think i could trust anyone more than my sister, she is so cool i'm so jealous of her all the time.
other than Kaylee i am a proud owner of the world's lamest unfriends. however much my friends and i have drifted apart and however much i hate or dislike them i know that they are still good people to others and thats a good thing, they're not bad people, it may just be that i'm not one of them and that i dont deserve to be friends with them. i will never know.
- kristin.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Head Start/Running Start
I've had friends ask me if running start was for them. I've been in running start for the past year and a half and have formulated an opinion. Honestly if you're ready for running start as a junior/senior it depends on what is important to you in life. you see, college isn't hard, it sure as hell isn't easy sometimes but there are a lot of factors that make it seem harder than it actually is.
You need to be able to choose between the future or the past.
You need to be able to choose between Friends or Academics.
You need to be able to grow up quickly
You need to be able to adapt quickly.
I enjoy Running start, it has given me an up on my academic career that i am truly grateful for. if i hadn't done running start i may have not been able to pay for college and to get my AA, and would have to settle for flipping burgers at McDonalds for the rest of my life.
However, in doing so i lost all my friends, all the ones dear and near to me. i once had a handful of friends, now i have none. the thing that brings me down in college is this feeling of isolation. i get up in the morning, take the bus to CBC, go to my classes in which i have no friends, take the bus back, study and do homework eat, shower, sleep. and that's it. college forces you into a routine that if not followed things get out of wack and your grades suffer. sometimes it gets to the point where i lay in bed and cry and wonder what happened to my life.
i never see or talk to my friends anymore. when i do its like i have nothing in common with them. they complain about their boyfriends and girlfriends, and the drama with this person or that, their schoolwork and such, all which seems unbearably petty compared to what its like going to college. I don't know their friends or the new people at school, i cant relate to the teachers they talk about or anything, the feeling of isolation only grows stronger.
Often i wonder if it was the right thing to do, you see, running start wasn't for me. i didn't want to do it in the first place. the thing is, i'm a cruel and spiteful creature and i only took the test to get into college to one-up a friend. an ex boyfriend to be exact, one who wanted me to come to college with him which i didnt want to do. when i discovered he had failed (after we had broken up) i took the test to prove i was right and i was smarter, but in doing so i opened up a new life.
i guess i asked for the isolation, sometimes its unbearable, but when you think about it, college isn't hard, you have a lot of homework, but only a few hours of class, four hours a week, and you are two years ahead of everyone and get a jump start in college and in your life, i will be the first of my friends to get an actual job in a career field, i mean, its perfectly okay to suffer through four years of being completely alone and unrelateable because once i'm in my job field i can make friends who share something with me. but then again.
so to answer the question if running start is right for you answer this;
what is more important to you. happiness, or success?
good luck, kristin fort.
You need to be able to choose between the future or the past.
You need to be able to choose between Friends or Academics.
You need to be able to grow up quickly
You need to be able to adapt quickly.
I enjoy Running start, it has given me an up on my academic career that i am truly grateful for. if i hadn't done running start i may have not been able to pay for college and to get my AA, and would have to settle for flipping burgers at McDonalds for the rest of my life.
However, in doing so i lost all my friends, all the ones dear and near to me. i once had a handful of friends, now i have none. the thing that brings me down in college is this feeling of isolation. i get up in the morning, take the bus to CBC, go to my classes in which i have no friends, take the bus back, study and do homework eat, shower, sleep. and that's it. college forces you into a routine that if not followed things get out of wack and your grades suffer. sometimes it gets to the point where i lay in bed and cry and wonder what happened to my life.
i never see or talk to my friends anymore. when i do its like i have nothing in common with them. they complain about their boyfriends and girlfriends, and the drama with this person or that, their schoolwork and such, all which seems unbearably petty compared to what its like going to college. I don't know their friends or the new people at school, i cant relate to the teachers they talk about or anything, the feeling of isolation only grows stronger.
Often i wonder if it was the right thing to do, you see, running start wasn't for me. i didn't want to do it in the first place. the thing is, i'm a cruel and spiteful creature and i only took the test to get into college to one-up a friend. an ex boyfriend to be exact, one who wanted me to come to college with him which i didnt want to do. when i discovered he had failed (after we had broken up) i took the test to prove i was right and i was smarter, but in doing so i opened up a new life.
i guess i asked for the isolation, sometimes its unbearable, but when you think about it, college isn't hard, you have a lot of homework, but only a few hours of class, four hours a week, and you are two years ahead of everyone and get a jump start in college and in your life, i will be the first of my friends to get an actual job in a career field, i mean, its perfectly okay to suffer through four years of being completely alone and unrelateable because once i'm in my job field i can make friends who share something with me. but then again.
so to answer the question if running start is right for you answer this;
what is more important to you. happiness, or success?
good luck, kristin fort.
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